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MAMA TALK - A Soft Place to Fall

Heather is a mother of two boys who lives in North Carolina. A degree in Theater from Rutgers University has been absolutely no use in learning how to care for her boys, so she shares what she's learned from personal experience

Ever feel like you’re not sure what’s going on with your baby or young child? Ever have questions about things you feel silly asking your pediatrician? Ever feel like you have great advice for a friend who never listens, or find a baby product you love so much you are dying to tell someone else about it? Do you feel like you just want talk to another mom who understands? I know the feeling! I too am one of those moms.

Welcome to Mama Talk at BabyMeTV. A place where moms like you can get answers, dish the dirt on mommy-hood, give and receive advice and information and sometimes…just vent. BabyMeTV.com is proud to bring you a place to do all of that and so much more.

As a mom of a three year old boy and 10 month old boy I understand what raising children is like. I’ve learned how to talk with my children and nurture a relationship with them that will hopefully be a bond to last a lifetime. Please follow me as we all experience the bumps and bruises along the way and help me to create a soft place to fall when you’re the one who needs the Band-Aid.

Check back often for information and advice from top pediatricians as well as ideas to help guide your child’s development. At BabyMeTV.com you'll see original videos featuring real parents just like you who open their hearts and share their babies and what they've learned along the way... and you’ll find a place to talk and learn about the issues that concern you.

Also, check back for featured products that moms love and can’t live without.

We all know when life as a mom gets challenging it can be that much harder if you feel you are alone. So join me and other parents pretty much like you by reading my Mama Talk column. It will be a resource for you to get advice, get help, get information and get things off your chest!

I can’t wait to share the wonderful adventure of raising kids with all of you. And now, a personal story.

Wanting a Girl, Getting a Boy

As a mom of a little boy, I was desperate to have the little girl I had always dreamed of. When I was pregnant with my second child, I was convinced that my dream would come true. We tried to conceive a girl using the “timing of the month” method. I had read that female sperm swim slower but live longer than male sperm in the acidic environment of the vagina. Because we conceived on our first try using this method, that is, having sex 4 days prior to ovulation, we thought we must have been successful.

As soon as I knew I was pregnant, I had a strong “gut feeling” that my baby would be a girl. After all, I was right the first time about my baby being a boy. I had everyone believing the baby was a girl. My husband and I had even picked out a name and had our little boy calling “her” Isabella. I had begun designing on paper how I would decorate “her” room. Wow…did I set myself up for a major disappointment!

When I found out I was having a boy I was temporarily devastated. I found out by talking to my friends and sharing my feelings that this happens a lot to other women and that I was not alone. I think it’s important not to feel guilty for the feelings that come up when this happens.

When we went to have the ultrasound at 20 weeks gestation, we were expecting to learn for sure that the baby was a girl. After taking all the measurements and making sure the baby was doing well, the technician began to look for gender. As I lay there on the ultrasound table waiting to hear “it’s a girl”, I heard, “it’s another boy”. I could not believe it. I was truly shocked. I instantly became upset. Tears welled up and began to overflow and I could not control my emotions. I began to sob even though I tried desperately to hold back how upset I was in front of the technician. It was impossible to conceal my disappointment. My husband, knowing how disappointed I was, looked at me as if to say “it’s okay”, which only brought on more tears. I was so embarrassed by my reaction because I had gone in chattering away to the technician about how sure I was that the baby was a girl… and how I was right with my first… and how much I was hoping for a girl. I had so totally prepared myself that it was a girl. Although it took a while for me to gather myself in the hospital, there was never a moment when I thought I didn’t want the baby boy inside of me. Rather, the emotion was like I had just lost the little girl I was expecting to have.

For you moms out there who’ve experienced a similar situation, I have no doubt you will understand it was a shock. I actually felt I needed to grieve and let go of the idea that I was having a girl so that I could whole heartedly welcome a son. The way I handle things is to cry and let myself be upset, then I jump into action. So after a few days I picked myself up, and threw myself head first into planning for my little boy. Two days later I had everything for his room picked out and I had a new room design, which by the way, I love!

I love and adore my new baby. My husband and I feel truly blessed to have two amazing, healthy little boys and would not change that for anything. Logan is now 3 ½ and thinks his baby brother Maddox (now 10 months) is “so cool”. Although we thought we would only have two kids, another reason it was so devastating at the time, we have talked and plan to try for a third child in the future. Maybe someday I will be able to have that little girl.

That's Momma Talk for now.

-Heather Whittington

P.S. I hope my personal story is helpful and that it will inspire you to share your own stories with BabyMeTV. Remember “Mama Talk” is not just a resource for information but a place that reminds us, we’re not alone.

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User Comments:
Christine Newman said:
I love this websight! I also need other moms to talk too!
Claire Smith said:
I have read Heather Whittington's article with much interest as I also have a little boy and wished to conceive a girl for my second child . We tried the same method as her and also got pregnant very quickly ,therefore assuming we had been successful. I felt up until my 20 week scan that I was having the girl I wanted as the pregnancy was so different and was very disappointed to hear I was having another boy. I cried for many weeks and then felt very defensive for a long time whenever I heard people being negative about boys, as it made me feel that they were almost attacking everything I had acheived. I do believe when you visualise your life being one way and when you find out it is going to be different you do have to grieve and it does not mean long term you are not going to be happy. My second son was born five months ago and I genuinely could not be a happier or a prouder mum to my two boys. They are everything to me. We do not plan to have any more children and strangely enough (although I thought I would not feel like this) I feel complete. My advice to any woman out there who would desperately like a girl is don't find out the sex of the baby on your 20 week scan, wait, as I became very depressed in my pregnancy and if I had just waited until the birth I would not have felt that, maybe just a brief pang of dissapointment followed by joy at giving birth to a beautiful healthy child. Also if anybody does decide to go for number 3 to try for a girl, don't leave it to nature, apparently once you have conceived two children of the same sex you are statistically more likely to carry on having that sex of child. If you can handle the ethical issues associated with it the only sure-fire way of getting what you want is going abroad and having pre-genetic diagnosis carried out on an embryo and IVF. We have decided this is not for us. Here's to all the mums of boys -they all do a fantastic job and I have no doubt that if we keep on trying our very best for them, they will always come back to us as adults.
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