It’s been a long time since the 1970’s. Back then, it was revolutionary to suggest to your obstetrician that you would like to “go natural” when having your baby. Of course most births ended with a low forceps delivery and a “saddle block” administered when the baby was crowning. “Natural” was a matter of perspective. But a great many of us attended Lamaze classes, learning techniques that, once mastered, can be used in moments of pain or stress for the rest of one’s life.
Still, everybody knows that labor and delivery hurts. It is supposed to. We have all seen movies and read books in which the heroine dies in childbirth. We see television programs of screaming women pushing babies out as the doctors and nurses prepare as though some serious emergency is taking place. We hear stories of “heroic” taxi drivers delivering babies that are born in cabs. We have been inundated with examples of the nervous father and his antics as the poor, inept devil tries to get his laboring wife to the hospital in time. And, probably most upsetting of all, we have all been exposed to the rare case in which a real problem occurs and it is only the timely intervention of hospital staff that prevents disaster. We grandparents have been told all our lives that there is a “proper” way of giving birth. Anyone who deviates from this is probably nuts.
Since the reign of Queen Victoria of England medications have been used to provide some relief for laboring and delivering moms. But a woman should be in a hospital in case she needs those medications or in case something goes wrong with the delivery and intervention by doctors is necessary. At least this is what we have been trained to believe for the last hundred or so years.
What we tend to forget is that babies have been born outside of hospitals for most of the history of humankind. This is the rule in many parts of the world rather than the exception. And, somehow, most of these moms and babies not only survive but also thrive, statistically having fewer medical complications than their hospitalized counterparts. It would seem that a number of assumptions have been accepted as truth that may not be necessarily valid for everyone. Try to keep this in mind when your son/daughter and his/her partner announce something that sounds downright weird to you.
Guess what Granny and Gramps? Everything that is old is new again. While we might have thought ourselves “cutting edge” by breastfeeding and refusing drugs, our kids have tapped into an ever-larger set of old stuff that might only seem crazy. Many of these ideas have been around for centuries. It is only now that they are being combined in more varied and interesting ways. So when your son or daughter talks about their “birth plan” they probably mean that you are going to hear about a few things that you might consider a bit, well…………….strange.
My niece is an RN, currently not only pregnant but working on her Master’s degree in midwifery. For the past couple of months, I’ve been living in her world. One blisteringly hot and humid Sunday, I find myself sitting in a barn, somewhere in Monroe, Michigan, in a church pew, surrounded by doulas (see my previous article on doulas), midwives and other “birthing” professionals. It must be a hundred and fifty degrees in the place and we are watching a movie called “Orgasmic Birth.” That’s right. I’m watching women deliver their babies, in their own homes, in inflatable tubs, and they are having a pretty good time. What kind of kinky stuff is this?
Well, it turns out that there is an entire revolution going on out there. There is a veritable smorgasbord of techniques to mix and match in order to provide for a meaningful and comfortable childbearing experience. No longer are the choices drugs vs. no drugs. One can welcome the new baby with any combination of the following and a great many ideas which I’m sure I have failed to mention.
Our sons and daughters are having “eco-showers.” (low environmental impact, not only in the products they use for said shower, but also in the gifts they receive) They are re-discovering cloth diapers but theirs are hemp or bamboo. They hire doulas, are helped to deliver by midwives and may never even consider seeing a doctor. They are into acupuncture, aromatherapy, Tai Chi, Yoga and, (are you ready?) HypnoBirthing™.
All these are far from innovative. I remember having a lecture about the place of hypnosis in childbirth while I was in nursing school. Still, nobody I knew was serious about it. All that has changed. Prospective parents are not only committed to these various strategies but downright militant.
I had to know more. My aforementioned niece actually teaches HypnoBirthing™. I was fortunate enough to be allowed to sit in on a session she was teaching to a 20 something couple who are expecting their first child. (They plan to use a “birthing center” which is a non-hospital home-like setting but more like a clinic than one’s own home. Such centers offer the intimacy of home, wherein the birth can be attended by whomsoever the couple may designate, while offering more security in the event of problems. Other couples may opt to use a hospital, attended by a doctor or a midwife, or a home delivery with a certified midwife.)
Hypnobirthing is a technique which, in theory, prepares the couple to minimize or eliminate drugs. Knowing a little something about brains, and trying to not seem skeptical, I listened as carefully as the lovely, dim and aromatic surroundings would allow. (Gosh it’s comfy and I just want to drift off to sleep from the beginning.) After a bit of background on how women have been conditioned to believe that childbirth has to be painful we move on to a practical demonstration. We all enter a “relaxed state” holding a pencil. All I have to do is breathe, focus elsewhere and drop the pencil. As my focus is not on that object, but I’m still aware of it, this should be simple. I just KNOW that I can let go of that pencil but well………….it’s just too hard right now. Does this really imply that distraction can control pain response? I don’t know but the suggestion that it might works pretty well in this cozy, peaceful room.
To further condition the mind that labor doesn’t necessarily have to be painful, hypobirthing folks have even changed the terminology that is used. For example instead of a contraction, the laboring mom has a “uterine surge or wave.” Instead of pushing out the child, the hypnobirthing mom breathes the kid down. Again I watch videos and again these women don’t seem to be suffering. They seem engaged but relaxed and in charge.
The truth is that after listening to the entire session, I am convinced that this thing might just work. It might work for those who are committed to it, those who can relax and trust enough for the process to be effective. The beauty of it is that the power of this kind of childbearing takes the control of the situation from the medicos and places it in the hands of the parents who are forming this new family.
It seems that the 21st century delivery (sorry “birthing”) is being tailor-made for parents. Finally, they have choices. If your offspring sets up an inflatable tub in their house, the best possible thing you can do for them is to buy them a clean, unused hose. If you are invited, know that they are going to spend up to two hours cuddling with that baby and you will need to be around for photos, fetching things, and applause but keep your drooling to yourself and keep your hands off that infant. Above all, if you are in the least concerned that what they are proposing is a mistake, know that they have probably done their homework well and trust them. But, as always, be prepared to help out if there is a problem and keep biting your tongue.
There are many women who will deliver in conventional ways. There are endless combinations of techniques to prepare for the birth of a child. No one technique is the best for all women. Those of us who survived the ‘60’s and ‘70’s and our own version of the counterculture should not be in the least surprised that women (and thank God their partners) have more options now. While we may reasonably have some regret that those options were not readily available for us (often not even dads in the delivery room) I hope with all my heart that we can embrace, without prejudice, with respect, the choices that are made by our sons and daughters.
To help to bring your grandchild into the world without the noise, bright lights, and endless rules, to welcome him/her into a place of comfort without all the drama and stress we usually associate with this event, is one of the best gifts you can give to the parents and the child. As the midwives like to advertise:
Peace on earth, begins with birth.
Laurel
I always love to hear what other people are doing. Please share your experiences and thoughts below.
